I had a dream early this morning.
It was about The Boy (my erm.. Ex, so to speak).
It was dark. Somehow we met. Or did I see/meet his current girlfriend first? In the dream, two years have passed since we broke up, or was it since we last spoke? Because in reality.. Ahhh... I just realised why I may be having this dream. It could be because, in reality, the third anniversary of our break-up is coming up: August 6.
So we spoke. It was awkward at first. Both of us starting and stopping, not knowing where to start, what to say, uncertain what is appropriate, perhaps not wanting to hurt the other party further. - How that reminds me of our real-life interaction indeed. Not always of course, but sometimes, after a fight.
I think I was with someone too. Or at least I have the impression that I had something to apologise for, to explain.
Haltingly, we both explained why we were with someone else, what had happened in the tumultuous period before during and after our break up, what happened since then.
An unspoken moment passed between us. We were to overlook what had transpired to us since the day we broke up until today. We were to find a way to forgive, forget, achieve closure, and maybe start anew. Maybe not as lovers, but as two people who care deeply for each other, or who have shared much together.
But in reality, I doubt that will happen. The boy I knew was surprisingly unforgiving, and dismissive. And from what I gather, he only has bad memories of our times together.
I wish though, that it wasn't like that. I wish we could talk and be normal people. I sometimes wonder where he is, what he's doing. And sometimes it stings to know that every other random person on the street knows more about him, his whereabouts, than I do.
When the boy heard that in my younger days I used to write letters addressed to myself 10 years in future, he wrote one to me too, but addressed to myself 5 years in the future, just so I would read his letter before I read a single one of mine.
I am due to read his letter next year, on my 23rd birthday.
I wonder if he knew we would break up. I'm sure he would have thought of the possibility. Would he have had a contingency plan? Would he have said for us to meet again, talk?
Time will tell.
It was dark. Somehow we met. Or did I see/meet his current girlfriend first? In the dream, two years have passed since we broke up, or was it since we last spoke? Because in reality.. Ahhh... I just realised why I may be having this dream. It could be because, in reality, the third anniversary of our break-up is coming up: August 6.
So we spoke. It was awkward at first. Both of us starting and stopping, not knowing where to start, what to say, uncertain what is appropriate, perhaps not wanting to hurt the other party further. - How that reminds me of our real-life interaction indeed. Not always of course, but sometimes, after a fight.
I think I was with someone too. Or at least I have the impression that I had something to apologise for, to explain.
Haltingly, we both explained why we were with someone else, what had happened in the tumultuous period before during and after our break up, what happened since then.
An unspoken moment passed between us. We were to overlook what had transpired to us since the day we broke up until today. We were to find a way to forgive, forget, achieve closure, and maybe start anew. Maybe not as lovers, but as two people who care deeply for each other, or who have shared much together.
But in reality, I doubt that will happen. The boy I knew was surprisingly unforgiving, and dismissive. And from what I gather, he only has bad memories of our times together.
I wish though, that it wasn't like that. I wish we could talk and be normal people. I sometimes wonder where he is, what he's doing. And sometimes it stings to know that every other random person on the street knows more about him, his whereabouts, than I do.
When the boy heard that in my younger days I used to write letters addressed to myself 10 years in future, he wrote one to me too, but addressed to myself 5 years in the future, just so I would read his letter before I read a single one of mine.
I am due to read his letter next year, on my 23rd birthday.
I wonder if he knew we would break up. I'm sure he would have thought of the possibility. Would he have had a contingency plan? Would he have said for us to meet again, talk?
Time will tell.
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